Progress Pictures · RNY

Emotional Roller Coaster

What a week! It has been a rough one mentally, I am a little exhausted and tired but physically I am great. If that makes any sense at all.

As may of you know or if you’re new around here, I weigh every Monday morning when I get in to work. I keep the scales at work, in  a closet, because if not I would become obsessed and weigh on them every single day.. maybe even more that once. So to keep myself in check and sane I do it once a week.

Last week I weighed in at 252.8, which was amazing, that put me at losing  over 102lbs. I was ecstatic and so very happy at this accomplishment. Especially because I had wanted to just get to that 100lb mark so bad and I surpassed it.

Fast forward to this week, Monday, I step on the scale and it said 256.6? WHAT!! How in the world is this possible, I freaked out alone because no one was in yet. I had a couple other ladies weigh on the scale as well and every single one had gained weight according to this scale. I knew I had not gained any weight, it was not possible at this point in my journey. (we all weigh on Mondays)

That number on the scale really got to me this week, that is literally all I could think about. So Wednesday night while I was working late, I decided to step on those scales again and see what they had to say this time around. They said 254.6. I was dying by now.. and I had decided to buy a new scale if next Monday they said anything more than that.

Well here we are Friday. I weighed again this morning and it was down to 253.6. So now I am wondering was the scale actually wrong or had been moved last week? I logged this weight into myfitnesspal because that was the right thing to do, even if I did not want to document it, because I did not document Monday’s weight.

This week has been such an emotional roller coaster for me. I woke up this morning feeling fat and bloated. I do not think until yesterday/today that I have actually ever really felt “bloated”. I guess I have always been fat so I couldn’t really tell if I was. What is different about today? I dont know, to be honest. So what did I do to combat my “feelings” I took a picture of myself and compared it to one that was taken 3 days before my surgery. It was then that I could see a difference and told myself I am still doing well and on tract.

2-17-17
9.17.16 vs. 2.17.17

The hardest part of this journey has been the emotional/psychological aspect. It is a daily struggle to start viewing ones self as healthier and smaller in the mirror. The brain likes to deceive and tells lies. That sounds like someone I know of… SATAN.

I will keep fighting the good fight and know that I am a work in progress.

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